Mike's Drive In, Sellwood, No Rollerskates Needed

Drive Right On Into The Parking Lot; Despite a surreal experience at the counter where I was unsure if the counter person was talking to me or yelling at someone outside, this experience was par for the course. A small, fast food operation whos great burgers have stood the test of time. Just what the burger doctor ordered before an afternoon of antiquing in Sellwood.

BURGER; Quarter pound patties grilled well, which works in the fast food arena. Shredded iceberg, hothouse tomato, dill pickle coins and a healthy handful of grilled mushrooms made this budget burger perfect for the cost and the concept. All of these on a pillowy sesame seed bun knock the Mike's burger up a notch above the fast food competitors that we try so determinedly to keep out of the Portland city limits. This is Fast Food done right.

FRIES; Utterly forgettable. Where Mike's succeeds in burgers, it fails with fires. Bland, frozen, quintessential fast food fries. Avoid them and instead share a basket of O-rings or fried mushrooms.

SERVICE; Young and weird. As aforementioned, the girl behind the counter had to ask me for my order at least 5 times as she was so distracted by some fella in the parking lot. Halfway through my order, she ditched the counter, ran outside and had a loud conversation with said parking lot fella. I don't know what drama exists on the streets of Sellwood. I don't want to know...well..maybe a little.

WHERE; 1707 Southeast Tenino Street  Portland, OR 97202

(503) 236-4537

Dig A Pony

I DON'T GET THE NAME; I have tried and failed to enter this bar on numerous occasions. It is the quintessential young, hip place to be for the gorgeous 20 somethings of Portland. Being over 30 and fairly dorky, I cant seem to make an appearance there fly. I need to sit, I need a patio probably, and I need to not be surrounded by hot girls in gold lame hotpants. Don't get me wrong, I respect this place, and the fabulous fashions that are on display on the chests, legs and manicured feet of it's patrons. But seriously...I'm just strait up too old. So I went there on a sunny afternoon with an equally old friend to revel both in our adulthood and burgers, respectively.

BURGER; Okay, I was shocked when the burger of the house was served on an Thomas' English Muffin. Assured that it was spectacular by both the server and my companion, I ordered up. And thank goodness. This unique burger is easily going to make the best of 2012 list. The aforementioned english muffin was slathered in a housemade chipotle aioli reminiscent of a 1000 island. The burger patty was beautifully seasoned, layered with a spicy spring mix, purple onion and ripe red tomato, and enveloped in a white cheddar that was neither cloying nor scene-stealing. The components, including the muffin, worked a certain magic will assure my continued patronage, regardless of my old age.

FRIES; The house cut fries that we've come to expect. Well made, well seasoned and an easy compliment to the burger.

SERVICE; Order at the bar, no frills. And naturally the barstaff is impossibly good looking, so if you are my age and/or at my dork level, go early and avoid feeling like a elderly weirdo.

LOCATION; Dig A Pony 736 SE Grand Avenue www.digaponyportland.com

EastBurn and The Server Of My Dreams

OVERVIEW; While trying to catch an episode of Portlandia on the patio of this fine establishment, an attractive, attentive and altogether amazing sever made sure we were plugged in, volume up and front row seated. Meanwhile, I saw plate after plate of better-than-bar-food travel past our table. The combination of that angel of a server and the smell memories I had collected while embracing my city's nationally loved quirkiness on the patio's big screen tv had me posted up the very next afternoon for the most beloved of all brunches; the burger beer brunch.

BURGER; Prepare your buds, people. Theses burgers are seasoned with a fervor that treads dangerously into meatloaf territory. But Eastburn's patty walks the line between essential ground beef goodness and heavily seasoned madness so gracefully you will likely question everything you thought you knew about balls of charbroiled beef. Perched on a Grand Central cibatta roll, with infinite nooks and crannies to absorb that heavily flavored beef juice as well as the fresh juice of a hothouse tomato, paper thin white onion and garden fresh butter lettuce, we may have located a little slice of burger nirvana on SE Burnside, y'all.

FRIES; The great house cut taters that we've become so accustomed to in Portland bars. Great flavor, cooked perfectly. Not a mealy, lackluster fry in the bunch.

SERVICE; Remember that fellow I mentioned in the overview?I had the privilege of having him as my afternoon burger server. I can't speak to the other waitstaff, but this guy is the absolute model of a perfect server. Intuitive, witty and personable. I would empty my wallet every day for service so perfect. I wish him the very best in life, and if you've ever had service as perfect as the service I am describing then you know exactly what I'm talking about.

WHERE; Eastburn
1800 E Burnside
Portland, OR 97214
503-236-2876
www.theeastburn.com

Burgers and Sushi at Yakuza

奇妙なコンボ; The burning question that I needed answered; Who goes to Sushi restaurants for burgers? The answer I could have guessed; Good looking, well dressed twenty and thirty somethings with excellent tastes. I hope one day I can control my snark enough to stop asking stupid questions about amazingly conceived restaurants. Well, we'll see...

BURGER; The skyscraper of a burger claimed to be made from the beef of legend; Kobe. Having experienced legit Kobe but once in my life, and having it melt on my tongue like a ephemeral sheet of beef chiffon, I had my doubts. Regardless of what does or does not constitute American Kobe beef, this burger was tender, full of rich, earthy flavor and complimented almost romantically by fried shoestring potatoes, light, sweet and delicate chevre, and a house ketchup that brought the whole scene together better than Lebowski's rug. It's worth it to mention that as I looked around from table to table, almost everyone in the place was eating this burger. And damned if most of them didn't start with a plate of sushi. Oh Portland, you're so hip.

FRIES; You know this place is too classy for a pile of greasy fries, besides, there are actual fried potato strings heaped on the burger. And they are awesome. Burger is served ala carte, hence the proliferation of sushi starters.

SERVICE; I have mentioned in previous reviews that there is a select class of Portland servers. They are impeccably dressed, remarkably well coiffed, and you get the distinct feeling that they are better than you. I have been to no other city where this phenomenon occurs. Yakuza's chic and attractive staff was paired perfectly with the chic, attractive dining space. Though I felt like our server was painfully cooler that I, her service was friendly, if a bit spacey. Great place for a date. Full bar, kid friendly, patio in the warmer months.

WHERE; 5411 NE 30th Avenue Portland, Oregon www.yakuzalounge.com

Pause on Interstate With Miss Heather Mae

Hello… I’m a “guest” blogger!; I really just wanted to eat a burger and get drunk with Brianna (ed. note; she's talking about me!). Friend of the Burger Blog, Fiona, affectionately pointed us in Pause’s direction. I had been to Pause a time or two before and felt a bit ambivalent about it. The food was fine, the drinks were fine, there are holes in many of the booth seats which is fine, but it’s just not one of the places that pops into mind when going out. However, I am always open to having my mind changed, and a big juicy burger was just the thing to do it!

BURGER: It’s no stretch to say that I LOVED this burger’s well-crafted, thick, tasty meatiness, made perfectly medium-rare (which is what I asked for). There’s no real “frills” or b.s. with this burger, it’s pretty straight up tasty. The Thousand Island dressing and the homemade pickles were a nice, thoughtful touch and made me feel kind of special without overdoing it. They serve it on a potato bun (again, no frills here, but it works) for easy handling and I liked that they stack the tomato, lettuce and onion on the side so you can choose your own “topping” adventure. My burger came with Tillamook Cheddar cheese and I felt like the cheese match didn’t quite do it, I couldn’t taste it. I did go back a week later and got the burger with blue cheese and the flavors seemed to stand out better.

FRIES: My salad was your standard mesclun mix with balsamic vinaigrette. My companion’s fries (ed. note; she's talking about me!) were REALLY FRIGGIN GOOD: thickly cut, house-made, fried morsels of starchy, salty goodness. I wanted to shove them all in my face, but that negated the reason for getting a salad in the first place.

SERVICE: I’m a little split on the service. We almost lost our table to a larger group that arrived seconds after us and the scene got weird. Aside from feeling a bit unwelcomed upon first arrival, our waiter was pretty right on. Drinks were promptly refilled and burgers were delivered piping hot. I’m pretty sure that kiddos are welcomed; I’ve seen them there for lunch before. However, the evenings have more of a drinking spot feel.

WHERE: Pause is south of George’s and north of the Alibi on Interstate. You might drive by it the first time, but I highly suggest you turn around and go back. 5101 N. Interstate Portland, OR

ABOUT OUR GUEST; Miss Heather Mae is a blogger, zinester, linocut artist and all around amazing person. Her brand, DonutDisco, is based in Portland but her 'tude is pure South Boston. Check out her awesome linocut prints on Etsy/DonutDisco, read her funny tumblr blog, and follow her on twitter. She's just been accepted to Linfield School of Nursing. Congratulate Her.

Jam on Hawthorne, Now Serving Dinner!

AND THEIR HAPPY HOUR IS AWESOME; Jam, one of Portland's most beloved breakfast spots recently took over "Imbibe", it's former neighbor. Portland 'hoods all have their own breakfast spots, and I think on the whole, we stay pretty dedicated to the breakfasteries in our quadrants. Being a hardcore noreaster, I have yet to remedy a hangover at Jam on SE Hawthorne, but, when on a random drive-by I saw this newfangled dinner cafe attached to the reputable name "Jam" I finally had the time and the reason to patronize the establishment I heard so much about.

BURGER; The happy hour presented 3 or 4 burger choices including a veg/vegan option. My choice was Hawaiian themed with grilled pineapple, teriyaki and swiss cheese. The half pound of beef, thick chunks of pineapple, lettuce, tomato, red onion, and huge handfull of grated cheese measured nearly 5" high! Go look at a ruler, that's seriously tall! Estimated mastication difficulty aside, this burger was totally ridiculous. The entire burger was dominated by huge morsel of grilled, melted butter/parmesan attached to the bun. It was a strong, salty piece of pure flavor and it attacked my mouth with such intensity that I had to quit the burger about 2/3 of the way through. I would order this burger again but I will have the crunchy melted flavor bomb left off. It was just too much. I will say that I respect it's intentions, because otherwise this burger was pretty good. Great flavor in the nicely cooked beef, interesting assemblage of toppings, and though I suspect it was dressed with bottled teriyaki sauce, I thought it was fine. It didn't taste hella-cheap.

FRIES; Went for the sweet potato fries as opposed to the standard french. Light and crispy without a lot of grease and salt. And a perfect compliment to the Hawaiian burger.

SERVICE; There were more people that appeared to be working here than eating here and it still took over 20 minutes for our food to arrive. Similar waits were experienced for water and the bill. The extraneous staff hanging around was a put off. One (very nice and easygoing) server was bartending, serving, and busing, while one staff member removed decorations from the Christmas tree. Another staff member revealed himself drinking in the bar area and still another chatted up the kitchen from the hallway. Lots of staff standing around, but only one seemed concerned with patrons.

WHERE; 2229 SE Hawthorne Blvd, Portland Jam on Facebook

On Deck Sports Bar's Infinite Dissapointment

SHEEESH; While burger shopping the area a while back, I found On Deck. Located on the upper floor of it's faux posh building in The Pearl, with quite the expanse of rooftop seating, this joint's menu looked so amazing I almost jammed inside to burger-up right then and there. Sadly (for me) it was a game night and thus loud as all heck and packed to the rafters. I vowed to come back, and two burger blogs later, I did. Unfortunately my experience here was marred by my own expectations, which I had built up over a few weeks. Let me tell you all about it...

BURGER; When I spotted the juicy lucy burger on the menu a few weeks back, I knew what future On Deck held for me. It wanted to squirt hot cheese into my gaping maw. And I wanted to let it. What arrived before me after my anticipatory wait was a plain white roll, one limp green leaf, brown at it's edges, a pale, mealy tomato and thick slices of white onion. The beef was cheap. I was terribly afraid after a few bites that I may break a tooth on a floating bone shard or formidable chunk of well done gristle. While my burger offered an acceptable amount of gooey american cheese buried in it's overcooked meatwad, my companion was nearly halfway through his burger before he hit cheesy paydirt, and when he found that cheese, it was such a paltry amount that he actually considered sending the whole thing back. Hunger got the best of him and he powered through, with the frown of a man done wrong by a burger. These burgers were not made with love or respect and it showed.

FRIES; Frozen, run of the mill fries. Absolutely nothing memorable about them. The salad was a handful of chopped romaine with a couple of sliced cucumbers and shredded carrots.

SERVICE; Cheery if not perfectly attentive. This is a loud, sports bar, and even on a lazy afternoon when the Ducks or the Beavers or the Blazers arent playing on one of the trillion flat screens that literally consume the entire place, those televisions will still be screaming at you the entire time you're there. Pearl District dwelling sports fans, as I'm sure you already know, this seems like a great place to scream at your fave team and commiserate over brews, but only order the burger if you're too drunk to give a rats ass about what it tastes like. Full Bar, kid friendly in designated areas.

WHERE; 910 NW 14th Avenue, Portland, OR OnDeckSportsBar.com