Top 5 Burgers To Eat in Portland Before You Move To Brooklyn (or Austin, or Minneapolis, or Los Feliz or Whatever)

I get a lot of burger based questions, but none more often than -So what's your favorite burger? After 3 years of burger exploration, I think I'm finally ready to answer that oft uttered query, and compile my first "Best Of" list. Let's take a trip down burger avenue AKA memory lane.

5. Best Sunday Afternoon Brunch Burger - BAR BAR

This low key burger is a perfect way to round out a debaucherous weekend. Between 2 moderately dense potato buns is some serious upscale faux fast food paydirt. The supple, cheese swaddled patties, crisp shredded iceberg and thoughtful tomato jam will soak up your residual party juice from last night while giving you the fuel you to continue day drinking. Bonus points for Mississippi Studios being a great place to patio-relax with your hungover self. Click Here For My Original Review
Where: BAR BAR 3939 N. Mississippi www.mississippistudios.com

4. Best Lunch Break Burger- Killer Burger

With a handful of locations to serve your meat hungry palette, Killer Burger is nailing the daily afternoon
burger experience. They have a menu that is equal parts "Oh hell yeah" and " WTF?" with burgers to please even the most dangerously adventurous pallets, that is to say they have a peanut butter bacon burger AND a burger so spicy you are required to sign a waver before ingesting it. Click Here For My Original Review

Where: Flagship-4644 NE Sandy Blvd

3. Best Happy Hour Burger - East Burn

I love this burger. It is some of the best seasoned meat in town, served on a cibatta roll with a quadrillion nooks and crannies for  ultimate juice absorption. Embellished with fresh, hyper green butter lettuce, thinner than paper red onion and tomato so succulent that your first bite will result in maaad tomato ejaculate. The service is stellar, the patio is an oasis, and the basement arcade is a really fun place to deal with your lifelong claustrophobia issues. Click Here For My Original Review

Where:  EastBurn 1800 E Burnside 503-236-2876

www.theeastburn.com

2. Best Burger To Feed To Your Out-Of-Town Buddies- Slow Bar

Consistently on every foodie's top ten Burgers of  Portland list, and with good reason. Slow Bar's Slow Burger is a game changer. The impossibly thick patties are like fleshy cushions, yielding a spectacular arrangement of flavor that seems to grow more complex with each bite. The flagship burger is topped with a ridiculously huge onion ring, but the summer slow burger (shown here) was a masterclass in thoughtful restraint. I await it with baited breath each summer season. I mean, c'mon, look at those pickle slices. They are perfection. Click Here For My Original Review

Where: 533 SE Grand Ave www.slowbar.net

1. Best Burger In Portland- Foster Burger

From the moment I first walked into Foster Burger I just had a great feeling that I would be eating the burger to end all burgers that day. And while it's insanely close to Slow Burger in terms of life change-ability, it's comes out ahead for one reason; fatback. Their ground beef recipe is so neck snappingly delicious that I restrict myself to one foster burger a year. For fear of breaking my neck. With a signature burger based on the Australian standard of burgers, topped with pickled beets and a fried egg, Foster Burger is doing something so different, yet so friggin familiar that it borders on crazy magic. Also, they framed all of their worst Yelp reviews and that's funny to me. Click Here To Read My Original Review
Where: 5339 SE Foster Road  www.fosterburger.com

The Day I Found The Other Killer Burger

I KNEW YOU EXISTED SOMEWHERE: Apparently you were hiding in the wilds of Sellwood, amidst the fir trees and antique shops and montessori schools. You vixen you. What a chase.What a payoff. (Click here to read my original review of Killer Burger's flagship cafe on NE Sandy wherein I do more than wax poetic)

BURGER: You know the story, these burgers are great. It's a gift to Sellwood and a perfect way to wrap up your day of vintage coverlet coveting or latex gloved rummaging at the Bins.

FRIES: My favorite fries in the city of Portland are produced at Killer Burger. Yeah, they're frozen, but there is some secret sorcery in the young nimble hands of the Killer Burger team members that impart some salty magic into these ketchup delivery wands.

SERVICE: It is joy to be served in Killer Burger. It seems that everyone loves their work and loves their customers. I love getting sunshine blown up my asshole while I shove a burger in my face hole.

WHERE: 8728 Southeast 17th Avenue
Portland, OR 97202
(503) 841-5906
killerburgerpdx.com‎

Killer Burger Kills Me Softly With Radical Burgers

OH REALLY?; On my flagship visit, my high expectations were dashed by a burger that was just too dang messy. The patty was cooked unevenly, resulting in thick medium rare areas and other very well done areas. The accoutrements were sparse, leaving me with more disappointing patty than anything else. HOWEVER, Killer burger was totally redeemed on visit 2! (A good rule to follow is never review anyplace based on one visit, anyone can have a off night) My burger was cooked perfectly, moist and flavorful, with a big pile of delicious toppings, all complimented by a monster bun. I was in legit burger heaven.

BURGER; Big. I mean, really big. At 1/3lb, these patties are wide and generously topped with bacon, cheese and a slew of off-the-wall toppings daring you to handle flavor combinations that really only make perfect sense to the very, very pregnant (peanut butter and pickle burger, nuff said). As per usual, I opt for the classic burger, and I can strongly recommend the "Fun Guy" (mushrooms and swiss) and the "Jose Mendoza" (ortega chiles and jack cheese). Be a legend and order "The Marine" but fair warning, they make you sign a waver first. Apparently it's kinda spicy..

FRIES; I'm a fan. Thick cut, heavily salted and crispier than the twice-fried versions most Portland joints are serving these days. I enjoy a thicker cut fry, thin fries can't withstand the large amounts of condiments I heap upon them. It's like Killer Burger knew I like to shovel ketchup into my face via french fry delivery system and they planed for me to succeed!

SERVICE; Walk up and place your order at a counter, pour your own soda, get your own water and if you run out of napkins, walk your happy ass to the fountain and get a roll of paper towels. The employees are friendly, but don't expect too much, this place is anything but pretentious and it knows it. Shoot, it's proud! I'm all for counter service anyway, I hate waiting for water refills.

WHERE; 4644 NE Sandy Blvd, Portland Killer Burger on facebook